One week countdown.

I'm preparing to leave for my second trip to Kolkata, India.  The plane departs on 17 August at 10:55 am from Seattle, WA and arrives in Kolkata, India at 8:40 am on 19 August.  I will be there for one month. 

This is now officially my India blog.  I will be using this blog during each of my trips, which I'm sure will be many.  At this point in my life, I imagine that the main subject of this blog will be volunteering with the Missionaries of Charity in Kolkata, India.  I've fallen in love with Kolkata and with the children I work with at one of the Missionaries' orphanages, Shishu Bhavan.  I may branch out at some point and spend more significant amounts of time in other areas of India, but for the moment, I'm comfortable considering Kolkata my base of operations.

There are a number of blogs from my first trip to Kolkata already posted here.  I had begun using LiveJournal to write about my first trip to Kolkata, but LJ seems to have phased quite a bit as of late, so I'm moving on.  I've copy/pasted most of my entries from LJ onto here, to give everyone a bit of background as to why I need to go back to Kolkata.  I have left out the bits about Thailand and Darjeeling because, while both of those places were beautiful, they didn't really have the same draw for me as Kolkata and a few of the other places I visited.  Feel free to read them at your leisure; many of you who are reading this have likely already had conversations with me about my reasons for returning.

One month is definitely not enough time to do everything I feel I need to do, to deal with all of the emotions that need to be dealt with, and that scares me.  Throughout the preparation process, I have of course been excited, but I have also felt a lot more scared than I had the first time around.  I know that this is something that is necessary for me and that I will be better for it, but I am intimidated by my time limit.  

But don't get me wrong.  I am so thankful for the fact that I am getting any time at all in Kolkata.  I am really lucky to have that option open to me.  I also know that not everything has to be done now and that I have my whole life ahead of me to do what I need to do.

And, friends, I am so excited to open myself up to that love again.  I know now that making myself vulnerable in Kolkata has opened me up to love so much more no matter where I am.  I am excited to push myself again so that my love for humanity can grow that much more.  This will be good.  

Here I go again, kids.  Thanks for being there with me.

Pyaar se,

Melissa

PS - To all my fellow Bollywood fans:  You know that I am SO excited to get caught up on all of the new songs, movies, and stars that are big right now.  I'll be sure to give you all updates on that as well.  Om Shanti Om!

Namaste, Sundari, aap kaisi hai?

It's been a long time.  I'm sorry.

It's good to be back.  Settling has taken a lot of time and energy, though, and with the heat and starting up at work again, I've been feeling rather drained.  It takes just a little too much energy to walk back and forth from Mother House and Shishu Bhavan twice a day, but that hasn't really stopped me from doing it.  I love those kids too much.  
So, let me give you the highlights:

- They grow so fast!  Getting back from 2 weeks in Thailand (to renew my Visa), I looked around the room and thought, "Jeez, they're so much bigger than I remember!"
- For a friend, Jyotsni is doing really well.  There is one volunteer who has been spending a lot of time with her and it's been really good.  She can stand with minimal support, is saying a few short words such as "baba," and is genuinely curious about the world in general.  You would be proud.
- There's a new boy, Vishal.  He's another cerebral palsy case, along with microencephaly.  He is very smart, though, and we're working on speech therapy with him a lot.  He knows quite a bit of Bengali, and we just taught him to count to 10.  He's a ball.  He calls across the room, "Ooooooh Vishal!  Oooooh Auntie!" at me because he knows I'll respond by making funny noises at him.
- I'm still working with Peter quite a bit.  He's going to school now, so I have less time now, but I'm incredibly glad he's at school.  You can already tell it's doing him a world of good.  I've never seen him smile quite as much as he does now.  
- Kajol got chickenpox while I was gone, but they've cleared up by now.  Poor thing was doing so much crying because she couldn't itch herself, but she was a trooper and got through it.  She's still my babes.

You can tell the heat is getting to everyone, but most of them are still making great progress.  It's a beautiful thing, guys, to be able to watch them go through so much.  Five months is a long time and a lot has happened since I first got there, and I'm so grateful to have had this opportunity to watch their improvements, and even the regression of some, knowing that at some point an Auntie will take them on and get them back to where they need to be.

As for "home life,"  it's finally getting settled and I'm really liking that feeling.  I've moved into an area in one of the guesthouses that's for people working in NGOs (and therefore staying longer), which I'm incredibly happy about.  It means that I've got a fridge, a kitchen, and a really nice, spacious room.  I pay monthly, so I don't have to worry about giving money to the door man every morning.  I can decorate and make it feel like my place.  I'm pretty sure I'll be there throughout the rest of my stay.
Sudder St. is awesome.  There aren't too many of my fellow long-term Mama T volunteers around at the moment, as they've all moved closer to Mother House, but that's not so bad.  I see them at breakfast, work, sometimes lunch, and sometimes dinner.  The rest of the time I spend networking with the Indian shopkeepers.  It's ridiculously fun.  And I get a lot of free chai and juice as a result.

I think the best part about having stayed, though, is that I'm doing so much more exploring.  I really feel like Kolkata has been telling me that I shouldn't go about wasting the next few months I have.  She wants me to see, hear, touch, feel, taste everything I possibly can.  And I am trying so hard.  The good and the bad, from stomach pain to the beauty of the Botanical Gardens to the dirt and grime of the train station to the noise of the construction outside my window.  I embrace it.  Kolkata bahut kupsurat hai.  Kolkata is very beautiful.

Sundery, Sundery, I love you. Sundery, Sundery, yes I do...

It has been a long day.

I did not go to the volunteer breakfast this morning, as a Sudder St. friend of mine was teaching me how to make his delicious Nepali Chutney.  I went straight to Shishu Bhavan from there and got there a little bit early, just as the masys were beginning to arrive.  As I was sitting on the bench outside my kids'  floor, one of the masys, the one I respect the most, came to me and said, "Sundery dead." and made the sign of the cross.  I didn't really hit me at first, but as soon as it did, I rushed over to the volunteer breakfast area to see one of the other volunteers who I  knew was particularly attached to her.  She wasn't there, so I just went back to Shishu Bhavan and got started with the kids.
It was really hard to see the way the masys walked around in a daze all morning, and heartbreaking to see the one masy who knew her best and took care of her most begin to cry as she stood in front of the empty bed.
The woman who died, Sundery, was 39 years old and had been at Shishu Bhavan all of her life.  She was severely deformed, and rarely ever left her bed.  She could not speak, but could smile, cry, and show other forms of emotion.  She was beautiful.
This is one of the reasons why I get so upset when people criticize the way the Missionaries work.  The MCs worked hard to keep Sundery alive and well and allowed her to live much longer than she should have.  Despite the fact that she could not move or talk, Sundery was able to bring joy into the lives of millions of Sisters, masys, volunteers, and visitors with just her smile.  Her life could have been wasted, but it was not.  
I know that she was in a lot of pain and that God is taking care of her now, but it was so hard to sit there feeding baby Khajol with that empty bed in front of me.  
Please, everyone, keep her in your thoughts and prayers.  And remember always that a smile can mean a lot to a person.

Here, throw me the baby!

Alright.  I have the afternoon completely off, absolutely no plans, for the first time in goodness knows how long, so I decided that now would be a good time to write about my Christmas.

I will begin with the volunteers' Christmas drama.  The whole thing was a bit haphazard and thrown together last minute, as we really didn't get around to starting on it until we only had about 2 weeks left to write, block, practice, and perform it.  But despite that, I think we did quite well with it.  The basic idea of the drama is that Mother Theresa, who has been looking for a home to begin her work but has  not yet found somewhere, has a dream the night of Christmas 1948.  In the dream, we are at Mother House where a group of MC Sisters is preparing for Christmas.  There is a knock at the door, and Mary and Joseph enter.  Slowly, the rest of the nativity also comes in, including the baby Jesus, and the various branches of the Missionaries of Charity join them.  It ends with a touching scene where Mother Theresa asks Mary to join her in bringing the baby Jesus to Sr. Nirmala, Mother's 2nd Sister.
We performed on Christmas Eve, just before Mass.  There were a few little mishaps and last minute changes, but people seemed to enjoy it and I think it went well.  Sophie, Jenn, and myself all played MC Sisters, John was a shepherd, and Jeremiah and Devin were Mary and Joseph, so all of the Seattle group still in Kolkata participated.
After the drama, we all went to Mass, which was lovely.  Afterwards, people gathered in the courtyard for hot chocolate and fruit cake (there's so much incredibly good fruitcake in India!) to mingle and wish each other Merry Christmas.  I must admit, up until this point, it didn't really feel much like Christmas, but having all of those people gathered together, smiling and chatting about Christmas plans really brought out the holiday spirit.  It was good to have that finally happen.

Christmas morning, after a breakfast of fruitcake buns, nutella, and chai at Mother House, I went to Shishu Bhavan.  All of the kids were adorable dressed up in their fancy Christmas outfits with bangles for the girls and shined shoes for the boys.  As we had had quite a few Christmas celebrations already, with the performances of the Shishu Bhavan Christmas drama, there wasn't much of a celebration that morning.  I think it was best that way, though.  It was just nice to get to spend a quiet morning with my kids.
Coming home that afternoon, I stopped a number of times to talk to some of the shop, food stand, and travel agency owners I've grown fond of over the past few months.  I couldn't help but think of how lonely Seattle is going to feel when I get home and, walking down the street, there won't be someone every few meters who I can stop to chat with.  In any case, I had a number of good conversations.
The Seattle group had planned to get together with a few other volunteers to carol while we all walked to Nrimal Hriday, Mother's first home at Kalighat temple, to volunteer together in the afternoon.  Unfortunately, a few of us were sick, so we ended up caroling to the Metro station and Sophie, Jenn, and I rode the Metro with 2 other volunteers to Kalighat, leaving Jer, Dev, and John to get some rest.  Caroling was a lot of fun; we got a number of weird looks and a few people joined in.  I'm also really glad that a few of us still chose to go to Kalighat together.  I haven't been in a long time because I'm now helping with volunteer orientations.  But that places has never failed, not once, to put me at peace with the world.  I have never left there without a smile on my face.  There has been a lot of changeover, and some of my favorite ladies are gone, but I got to see quite some of my old friends and I made some new ones.  I did dishes, which was always a relaxing activity, and hung out with fellow volunteers on the roof afterwards, drinking chai.  I really do love that roof.  Something about it is so peaceful.
The final plan for the evening was dinner with the Seattle group (we really have started doing everything together, we're a single entity now) and a few other volunteer friends of ours at a fancy Italian restaurant called Fire & Ice.  After a confusing taxi ride and walking about half of the way there, we arrived about a 1/2 hour late for our reservation, but luckily early enough that not all the tables were full.  The food, although truthfully only mediocre, was incredible because it did not taste like masala.  I do love Indian food, but it is so nice to break away every so often.  The company was also delightful, although Jer sadly had to stay home because he was quite ill.  It was definitely a good close to Christmas day.

Yesterday, Boxing Day, was for the most part a normal day.  But in the evening, the Seattle group got together for our exclusively Seattle Christmas celebration.  The six of us got together over a picnic of tuna fish & veggie sandwiches, fruit salad, Pringles, M&Ms, Oreos, and fudge and just had a fun time talking and being together.  We had decided that instead of getting gifts for each other, we would work together on getting gifts for our Indian friends on Sudder St., so we worked a bit more on getting those together.  We've grow quite fond of our occasional Seattle picnics, and this was definitely, I think, the best way we could have celebrated Christmas together.  I love those kids.

There was one final Christmas celebration, that I'm aware of, today.  All of the MC homes with children were invited to a party at the governor's mansion, and as John, Jenn, and I all work at kids' homes, we were all invited to come along.  The party was a lot of fun.  The governor's mansion was enormous, and though we didn't get to see much of it, it was obvious that it was quite grand.  The party was on the back lawn, which was absolutely enormous.  There was a bouncy house for the kids, although the volunteers definitely all took a turn in it as well, a live band, and a group of Indian dancers.  It was really nice to see the kids outside of their one room at Shishu Bhavan, running around, dancing, bouncing, and being the energetic little fireballs that they are.  We probably all got fed a bit too much sugar and did a bit too much frolicking, as everyone was sleeping on the bus ride home, but it was entirely worth it.  I love my kids with all of my heart and it was so good to see their gigantic toothy grins.

So, all in all, my Christmas in Kolkata was absolutely amazing, even if it did take a while before it felt like Christmas.  I hope that everyone else had incredible Christmases, and like I said, I'd love to hear all about them.  
And now, I will relax.  Finally. 

Ta ta, namasted, goodbye, okay

So, Friday was definitely not one of my better days.  My morning at Shishu Bhavan went well, but the events that followed were frustrating and upsetting.  I was considering just hanging around my room for a while in order to be mopey, but I hadn't gotten a chance to go to Kalighat lately as I'm now also helping out with volunteer orientations Monday, Wednesday, Friday afternoons, so I chose to not be a bum and visit my lovely ladies instead.  It was definitely the best decision I made today, and perhaps even this week.
I had been hoping to be able to do some laundry in order to get out my aggression on the bedsheets and frocks, but when I entered the washroom, they seemed pretty well staffed so I headed to the women's section.  I visited a few women that I had talked to before, then sat down next to a woman I hadn't visited with yet.  I started asking her how she was, and she began to tell me a story I didn't understand.  I must admit, I wasn't giving her my full attention, so I was mighty surprised when she began to cry.  She had been touching the bandage on her head, so I knew that she was telling me about how she had received her wound, and it was clearly a hard story for her to tell.  As I comforted her and began to listen to her with my full attention, I realized that any pain and suffering I have felt in my life does not even begin to compare to what she had gone through, which she was telling me all about right now.  And then, she smiled.  She finished her story, dried her own tears, and smiled.  And that was the biggest comfort that anyone could have ever given me.  To know that my own suffering was not even a fraction of what she had felt in her life and she could still come out smiling was such an inspiration to me.  
Needless to say, the rest of my evening went quite well.  I had a cup of chai on the roof of Kalighat and watched the people below, I went home and had dinner with the incredible friends I've made here, and had a good nights' sleep.  And I smiled.

In other news, we have two darling new babies at Shishu Bhavan.  Their names are Sonali and Jyotsni.  They were sent to us from one floor down, the baby ward, because they were both diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy.  Sonali is taking a while to adapt to the new environment and continues to look a little bit scared whenever she's away from Jyotsni.  Jyotsni, on the other hand, has taken to our floor quickly and is a little spitfire, rolling around in her crib to get from one place to the other!  I enjoy them both immensely.
Shishu Bhavan Christmas play practice continues, but because I have chosen to spend more time with the physically handicapped children, I haven't been helping out too much with that.  I do, however, have a new project!  I am making posters for the 6 new children we have taken in recently.  I felt honored to receive this project as it allows me a chance to share what I've learned about the kids in the last 2 months.  I feel it's a really good way for me to share my experience here with others.

I still love and miss you all!

Namaskar,
Melissa

Happy Thank You!

Happy Thanksgiving, all!  I hope that each and every one of you was able to share a delicious meal with your loved ones and are currently sleeping soundly with full bellys.

My Indian Thanksgiving was absolutely beautiful.  A friend of ours from New York, Anthony, had his heart set on having a very special feast for Thanksgiving and he (as well as the rest of us) definitely made it happen.  And we worked darn hard for that meal, too!  We spent most of yesterday shopping and cooking (on a 2-burner stove with no oven) and I do think that it was the most delicious meal I've had in India.  We ended up with spaghetti, garlic bread, a green salad, a fruit salad, an amazing pumpkin soup, and mashed sweet potatoes.  And, of course, a delicious chocolate cake provided by some of our wonderful Canadian friends.  I think really the best part of the night, though, was how many beautiful faces we had at our table!  We really weren't expecting quite the turnout we received, but we ended up sharing our meal with 17 people!  It was a delicious mix of Canadians, Irish, and USA friends.  It was truly incredibly to get together such a wonderful group of people to celebrate something that is so special to us back in the US.  So, needless to say, I was most satisfied with my meal last night.

And I certainly hope that everyone back home had just as incredible of a night.

I love you all.

I am thankful that you are all so amazing.

Peace,
Melissa

From which country?

Jeremiah and Devin, the last two of our group showed up a few days ago, so we are now complete.  Unfortunately, they've both been a bit sick the entire time they've been here so have been spending a lot of time sleeping and just hanging out at the hotel with us, but it has still been incredibly fun finally having the group all together.  And it's really nice having one person (Jeremiah) who's been here a number of times before.  He is a wealth of information, stories, and bits of knowledge.  In fact, having had a chance to grow brave in Kolkata already, he did something very sweet for me the night before last.  The group, minus Devin who was sick, was walking home from the New Market area when a Bengali boy walks past me and rubs my hand.  I thought nothing of it until he looked back at me with a smile and a smug look on his face.  Jeremiah heard me muttering under my breath and asked what had happened.  When I told him, he asked permission to "do something."  I gave it to him, of course, and he caught up with the Bengali boy.  Apparently, what he did (I didn't see, unfortunately)  was go up to the boy, grab his hand, and ask him if he liked holding hands with a white person.  Because, of course, that's what he was trying to do with me, right?  Well, the Bengali boy apologized to Jeremiah a number of times and Jeremiah had him wait and apologize to me as well.  It was definitely a nice feeling. 

Sunday was the Eid festival, marking the end of Ramadan for the Muslims.  The Muslim district of Kolkata was absolutely vibrant, which made my walk to and from the Mother House on Sunday most pleasant.  There was less vehicle traffic (meaning less honking!) and much much more foot traffic.  It was beautiful walking past the Muslim temple, which was absolutely full of Muslim men praying, and walking past all the men sitting in the street listening to passages being read over a loudspeaker.  We heard Sean Paul at least twice; these Indians have good taste in music.  It is wonderful to see so much unity and peace in the center of a city that never seems to stop.  The evening was even more vibrant.  We walked through part of the Muslim district, and it was lit up with Christmas lights, tinsel was hanging from buildings, there was festival games going on, and people had out humongous speakers blasting music.  A few Muslim men even got John McCartney (one of our group) and a friend of ours we met in Kolkata, Elijah, to dance with them.  And everyone was wearing beautiful new clothing.

Another thing that really struck me was the presence of women during the festival.  This was not so much the case in the Muslim district, but it was definitely obvious when I was near the Kali temple area (a Hindu area).  I have a feeling that has more to do with Durga Puja, which began today, but I really started noticing the day of Eid.  Anyways, there were far more women out and about than I have seen my entire time here, which made me incredibly happy.  The women here are absolutely beautiful.  I don't think that I've seen a single women who didn't have at least one very attractive feature.  And they all dress in the most elaborate outfits.  I really wish that they were out and about all the time.

This brings me to my next subject.  Since being here, I have had a number of conversations with Indian men.  The men here on Sudder St. are very friendly to foreigners, and for the most part are so in a way that doesn't make you feel singled out as a foreign women, which isn't true of other areas.  But I have yet to sit down and have a good conversation with an Indian women, aside from the conversations I don't understand with the women of Kalighat.  It's truly unfortunate that they have to close themselves off because of their gender.  Their toughness on the street is part of what makes them beautiful, but it also makes them hard to approach.  
Even the masys in the homes where I work are hard to approach.  A large part of that is language barrier, few seem to speak any English.  They are all friendly and smile at the volunteers and try to instruct volunteers in a friendly way.  In fact, we had a birthday at Sishu Bavan the other day and the masys were dancing and encouraging the volunteers to join in.  However, I think that it's hard to get out of the mindset of thinking of all Indian women as the tough women in the street pushing their way through crowds and keeping all their attention straight ahead.  
This lack of conversation, of course, is due mostly to my own inability to get past how tough these women look.  They intimidate me.  This is really something that I will be trying to work on the next couple of weeks, because I know these women have incredible stories to tell and opinions to express.  I just have to make an effort to get it out of them.

Other than that, things are still going well.  I am getting used to always being dirty and there is still the occasional stomach ache, but the city continues to grow on me.  Luckily, I don't mean that literally.  No mold yet.  YES!

Love and Peace,
Melissa

Halloo! Auntie! You want rickshaw?

I began volunteering on Tuesday, 2 days after I arrived in Kolkata.  The home that I am working at is called Shishu Bavan.  There are 2 sections to the home; one is for a few classes of toddlers where volunteers teach the children basic things like ABCs and basic mathematics.  I work in the 2nd section with handicapped children.  
I arrive each day at 8 am, which is the time when the children get their morning juice and the volunteers assist the sisters and the women who work there, called mashis, with this. Then, it is time to help the children with their excercises.  The 2 children who I have excercised with have both been girls with cerebral palsy, so their excercises have mainly been massaging their legs and arms and helping them bend their joints so they don't become stiff.  Usually the excercises are done pretty quickly and you have some time to just visit and play with the children, which is super fun.  There is a break, and we end the shift by changing and then feeding the children and visiting with them some more.  All of the children there are wonderfully sweet and I am definitely enjoying my work.  I had a bit of a hard time with the feeding the first day.  I ended up with food spit pretty much all over my pants and apron.  But I was already better on the 2nd day, so hopefully I will continually to get progressively better.
I plan to begin working an afternoon shift about 3 days a week at a home called Kalighat.  Here, I will be working with women with severe injuries and terminal illnesses.  I do admit, I'm a little frightened of what I'll see there, but I'm really looking forward to it as well.  I'll let you know more about that when I start working there.
The city of Kolkata is absolutely amazing.  There's so much going on here all the time.  It is really hard to get used to the constant noise, though, particularly the honking.  It seems like everyone here just assumes that no one else on the road has eyes.  They honk every single time they pass another vehicle, or pedestrians in the street.  I think I may have to get out of the city on my next break day (Thursdays) so that I can get a break from that.
Shopping has been my favorite experience.  You definitely have to be looking for something in particular here if you are going to go shopping.  Browsing is almost impossible, as there are constantly men coming up to you asking, "You are going to New Market?  What are you looking for?  You come to my shop?  Just look, no buy, just look.  What do you want?  We have.  We have everything, come to my shop."  It definitely makes it easy to find what you're looking for, but, like I said, makes browsing nearly impossible.  
The hardest thing to get used to in the city is the patriarchal nature of India.  Being both a foreigner and a woman is a difficult thing, and the constant staring is a little disconcerting.  My first day, I was completely oblivious to it because I was so fascinated by everything.  However, it is certainly not easy to ignore.  For myself, it has mostly just been staring and a bit of yelling from the men on the street.  I also believe that there is MORE honking when you are a women than there would be if you're a man.  A couple of girl friends have had some harder experiences, but we're all learning to deal with it in our own ways.  It's just another part of Indian culture, you can't really let it get to you too much.
Oh, and being woken up at 5 am by Japanese heavy metal.  Yeah, that's fun, too.  We moved out of the hostel where that was a problem this morning, though, so hopefully I'll be able to sleep later now.
And, yeah, that's that.  I'm sure there will be more soon though.
Love!